Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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