apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
