i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Randomize
