Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
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