Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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