He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
