there's paper in my vomit.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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