True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
