The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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