Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
