I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
