Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I still have a little drunk in my system
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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