Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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