So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
