I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I met the friendliest cop last night
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
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