Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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