Tell her she can't have a vagina
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
