The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
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