yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I would fuck him just for his dog
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
