When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
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