Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
