youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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