Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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