Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
