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You just made me feel so damn special
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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