she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize