i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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