I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
