He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
