Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Also, beer. Big fan.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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