seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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