I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
