Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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