i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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