I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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