she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
