just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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