I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
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