Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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