I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
