You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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