jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
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