I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize