Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
