she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
