So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Randomize