This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
