I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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