I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
