so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
