I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
