Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
