it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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