Her vagina should come with caution tape.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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