Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Randomize