He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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