I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
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