Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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