Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.�
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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