I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
