just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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