You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
