I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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