stop calling my apartment porn island.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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