i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
