Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
