god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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